The joy of missing out

You’ve probably heard of the fear of missing out (FOMO) but what about the joy of missing out (JOMO). Do you know about the great benefits of JOMO?

“People are worried about why you’re not going out” Martin said.

I was then a 22 year old student and my friend was disappointed I was yet again not joining the crowd downtown on a Thursday night.

But I had plans. Following a long bath I’d be cozy in pajamas with a plate of Brie and crackers, a couple of glasses of red and a gripping BBC crime series on the telly.

And the best thing? The house would be all mine.

Peace and quiet. Chill. Stopping.

Martin had a fear that I was missing out years before it was a thing to have a fear of missing out and this phenomenon became an entry in the Oxford Dictionary in 2013.

Today’s lifestyle is rich with technical gadgets at every turn and it’s this constant connection to technology that is one of the main drivers of FOMO.

The glossy veneer and filters of today’s Instagram images produce what looks like a glamorous, fun filled life without limits. And it’s precisely this razzle dazzle that makes some of us feel unworthy and lacking and worry that what we’re doing is, well, just a bit dull, really.

We’re aghast when we realise we haven’t been snorkeling with baby dolphins on our vacation, that what we cooked for our dinner is more mush than Michelin starred or that our kids are muddling through and messy compared to the cherub like cuties of our friends.

That’s bad enough, but those with FOMO have been found to use Facebook more frequently just before they go to sleep, just after they wake up and during meals.

That’s a fair few touch points in the day that can feed the FOMO monster.

And the opposite of the FOMO monster is the JOMO mentor bringing joy, contentment and relaxation.

Here is what I’ve learned about JOMO…

Saying yes - to yourself

It’s about realizing what’s important to you as an individual and being okay that most of your friends have a different opinion. And then it’s about having the strength of character to say no to other’s expectations and say yes to your own.

Martin wanted me to go out for a few drinks and a dance on a Thursday night but creating a cozy evening for myself with snacks, drinks and a good programme on the box was what floated my boat.

And I was fine with that.

Stopping

Unless you’re Danish, in which case you legitimately schedule time for stopping regularly (hygge), there’s still some shame in certain quarters about stopping and relaxing and it’s considered akin to admitting you clobber baby seals for a hobby.

But stopping is great.

Every now and then my husband and I have a stop day.

Generally this involves us not leaving the house. It means chilling, reading for a few hours, watching random TV, thoughtful documentaries and bonkers laugh out loud comedies and snacking.

A lot of snacking.

And after a week that has filled our heads and filled them again some more, stopping is just what the doctor ordered.

Have a mélange day

This is something I picked up in Vienna and have used in our home city of Amsterdam.

The Austrian capital is arguably the world’s most elegant city in which to float from café to café having mélange, the heavenly coffee, served on a silver tray at your marble table.

On the last day of a Viennese holiday, the concept of a mélange day was born. This meant that my husband or I could call a mélange break at any time and stop to enjoy a coffee and that this day was for meandering with no fixed agenda.

So, we’d think “That looks like an interesting street, let’s have a wander up there.” Or “Look at that shop, fancy going in?” or “Let’s just sit on this bench for a while. And do nothing but sit on this bench.”

Wild, isn’t it?

The point is that there are no preconceived plans to be met, ticked off or posted online. It’s just about doing what brings joy in the moment rather than missing out on joy.

Mélange days are the best.

The next time you feel a bout of FOMO coming on ask yourself if you’ll really feel fulfilled doing what you think others expect of you.

Try enjoying a moment through your eyes rather than a camera.

Do things that bring you joy.

Because YOLO-JOMO.